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NYC Weather: Seriously Haterish Shit June 8, 2006

Posted by hateroftheyear in General Hating, New York, Scarjo, Sports.
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Weather, as an idea, fucking sucks. Give me 85 degrees and sunny during the day with 50 degree nights and I promise never to complain again. On a Saturday morning, when I'm hungover it can be dark and rainy and cold. Later on, when I wake up, all of the shit better be dry and the sun should be out and shining.

As far as snow goes, I would allow it to occur three to four times per year. Once on Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Day, and several "key" moments throughout the course of the year- like, for example, when I'm walking Scarlett Johansson home from a date. When we step out of the restaurant it should be snowing. She'll say "Do you have any baby oil?" "Isn't it beautiful?" and we'll embrace passionately…

Seriously though, could you imagine how crowded New York City would be if it had Miami's weather? Or maybe it would be just like Miami. What's noteable, lately, is just how demoralizing this fucking weather is. Every day, it seems, for the last 3 weeks there has been one torrential downpour after another. What's worse is that the forecast, unfortunately, only calls for more shitty weather. What's a hater to do?

My advice? Camp in front of your tube and watch some World Cup or NBA Finals.

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HOTY Hiatus: Hate Amongst Yourselves May 19, 2006

Posted by hateroftheyear in Celebs, General Hating, Music, New York, Sports.
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Just as readership hits an all-time high, I will be headed to a place that I hate to love: Las Vegas. A week in 120 degree desert heat should do me some good and I promise not to lose my edge. I assure you that the time spent with overall-wearing white trash pounding Fosters at 10am will keep my hater-levels high. As much as I hate to leave you alone, I think all the fabulous dining, boozing and gambling will make up for it.

In the meantime: check out my blogroll and hit these links!

The Da Vinci Code: A hateable book becomes a hateable movie. A.O. Scott pulls no punches, and lets his hater shine through in this review for the Times.

The NBA Playoffs: Best. Playoffs. Ever. It's hard to link to one specific article when all of the matchups have been amazing. Let's hear it for The Clips and The Cavs, who have been instrumental in making this shit so much fun to watch. Bonus third link: Bill Simmons, a man far more articulate than me, discusses why this year is so special.

Britney's Baby Boondoggle: Sorry for the NY Post-like aliteration, but this is unreal! The baby's fallen out of a high-chair, had his head whipped back "violently," and been in two precarious situations involving automobiles. I'd say there's a zero chance this kid doesn't end up retarded, but with Brit and K-Fed as his parents, he didn't have much of a chance anyway.

Back in a week bitches!

XOXO,

HOTY

Hater of the Week*: Raja Bell May 11, 2006

Posted by hateroftheyear in Celebs, General Hating, Sports.
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I hate The Lakers. Fuck Smoosh. Fuck Phil Jackson. Fuck Kwame Brown. (Lamar Odom, you're cool) And fuck Kobe. This goes out to all of you who sent me that Youtube of Kobe Bryant dunking on Steve Nash. It broke my heart to see poor little Stevie get facialized like that. So much so, I refuse to provide a link for that video. Instead, let us turn our thoughts to happier times, like this clip of Raja Bell clotheslining the shit out of The Mamba:

*So maybe this happened last week, but I just figured out how to embed a youtube video.

Tuesday Link-stravaganza* May 2, 2006

Posted by hateroftheyear in Blogs, Celebs, Food, General Hating, Music, New York, Sports.
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LA Clippers win their first playoff series in my lifetime. I am, along with thousands of other fans, eagerly awaiting Sports Guy's 10,000+ word, Gladwell-esque exegesis on the topic.

Life immitates art for the cast of the Sopranos: Artie Bucco gets busted for a Brooklyn slalom, and "Muscles Marinara" for stealing TVs, crappy guido shirts and beating store managers.

Cracked Magazine, which I truthfully didn't realize still existed, has a hilarious piece on Sportcenter's Most Cliched Catchphrases. My vote goes to Craig Kilborn for this gem: I got 99 problems, but that pitch ain't one. (via Deadspin)

Avery Cardoza's Player Magazine gets some Assimilated Negro treatment in The Devil's Publicist. I was always a fan of his "relationship stock market" theory and this quote cracks me up:

Of course everyone wants diversity in their portfolio, but some people do stay focused in one sector. I have a friend who swears by the Big Titties industry. All his money is always tied up in Big Titties.

*aka, I am too hungover and lazy to post an actual post, so here's what I'm reading this morning.

I Hate Link-only Posts… April 20, 2006

Posted by hateroftheyear in Food, New York, Poker, Sneakers, Sports.
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Bill Simmons interviews the guys who wrote Rounders – Part I (link is down) & Part II.

Mark Bittman prepares HOTY favorite stuffed artichokes (NYTimes free reg. required).

Fuck Isaiah and Fuck Larry Brown. Who else is rooting for Ron-Ron and the Kings?

GNR to play some shows in NYC. Who's coming with me?

It's spring, bitches. Brave the hate and go to Alife Rivington Club this weekend for their big spring sale. Cash only. Afterwards, hit the town with your new kicks and watch as the ass just rolls in.