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I Hate Hipsters. June 3, 2006

Posted by hateroftheyear in General Hating, Music, New York.

What the fuck is the wrong with this world? Last night, I went to see one of my favorite bands, French Kicks, at a lower east side music venue called Sin-e. Sin like 7 deadly ones, and E like the letter before F? Nope. It's pronounced shinnay.

I got there a bit too early which meant that I had to subject myself to 2 hours of opening bands. Luckily, the bands weren't too shitty and I got to check out some of the ironic/hipster fashion that the kids are rocking nowadays. It's always funny to see some douchebag wearing a striped wool sweater and cords when it's 1,000 degrees outside. In addition to ridiculous clothing, there were more bad haircuts and moustaches than you could shake a PBR at.

Nothing out of the ordinary, except for one girl with a bowl-cut. She seemed to know a lot of people and spoke with each of the bands as they got off the stage. She was carrying a large purse shaped like an electric guitar and wearing a black tee-shirt. She fit right into the crowd, but often acted a little odd. At first glance, she appeared to be your average hipster- funny haircut, ironic sense of fashion, and fond of bizarre rhythmic gyrations (she was standing next to several girls who were goofily dancing to all of the songs, as well).

As the night progressed, I realized that she is actually mentally challenged. Even though I am a hater, I would obviously NEVER make fun of someone for being disabled. What is funny is this: In a situation full of extreme hipster cases, the last thing that crossed my mind was that she was disabled.


HOTY Hiatus: Hate Amongst Yourselves May 19, 2006

Posted by hateroftheyear in Celebs, General Hating, Music, New York, Sports.
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Just as readership hits an all-time high, I will be headed to a place that I hate to love: Las Vegas. A week in 120 degree desert heat should do me some good and I promise not to lose my edge. I assure you that the time spent with overall-wearing white trash pounding Fosters at 10am will keep my hater-levels high. As much as I hate to leave you alone, I think all the fabulous dining, boozing and gambling will make up for it.

In the meantime: check out my blogroll and hit these links!

The Da Vinci Code: A hateable book becomes a hateable movie. A.O. Scott pulls no punches, and lets his hater shine through in this review for the Times.

The NBA Playoffs: Best. Playoffs. Ever. It's hard to link to one specific article when all of the matchups have been amazing. Let's hear it for The Clips and The Cavs, who have been instrumental in making this shit so much fun to watch. Bonus third link: Bill Simmons, a man far more articulate than me, discusses why this year is so special.

Britney's Baby Boondoggle: Sorry for the NY Post-like aliteration, but this is unreal! The baby's fallen out of a high-chair, had his head whipped back "violently," and been in two precarious situations involving automobiles. I'd say there's a zero chance this kid doesn't end up retarded, but with Brit and K-Fed as his parents, he didn't have much of a chance anyway.

Back in a week bitches!



DJ Star: Giving Hate a Bad Name May 11, 2006

Posted by hateroftheyear in General Hating, Music, New York.
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Ugh. I love hate, but this is ugly. After all the media attention given to Hot 97 getting evicted, I guess Power 105 decided to step their game up and win the ignorance contest, once and for all. On air, DJ Star (Gov't name: Troi Torain) offered $500 to the listener who would reveal the school that Hot 97 DJ Envy's daughter attends. He proceeded to issue the following threat to Envy's daughter:

"Yes, I disrespect your seed," Torain ranted. "If you didn't hear me, I said I would like to do an R. Kelly on your seed. On your little baby girl."

For those of you out-of-the-know, an "R. Kelly" consists of urinating on a girl (preferably underage) and then ejaculating on her. Wow. I'm absolutely speechless. The outlandish behavior of shock jocks is frequently blamed on Howard Stern, who was the first to really offend the masses. Sure Stern has crossed the line a few thousand times, but I have to think that he was at least trying to be funny. Star is just fucking stupid.

DJ Envy is no angel either. He was one of the creators of the remarkably unfunny "Tsunami Song" which features such clever lyrics as:

So now you're screwed, it's a tsunami
You better run and better kiss your ass away
Go find your mommy
I just saw her float by, a tree right through her head, and now your children will be sold child slavery

My brain hurts from trying to figure out who is more hateable here. Both Star and Envy are clearly horrendous human beings, but I think the real hate here goes out to the whatever audience has built up the demand for this kind of behavior. Ridiculous.

(NY Daily News Coverage)

I Hate Hot 97! May 9, 2006

Posted by hateroftheyear in General Hating, Music, New York.

What the fuck is the matter with hip-hop? Last week everyone was all abuzz over the news of Hot 97.1 getting evicted from their downtown offices. I spent the better part of an afternoon reading and rereading this document from The Smoking Gun, and my mind is kind of blown. Three shootings since 2001. Can you even believe it? Can you imagine working in an office, for a publicly traded company, in arguably the most modern city in the world, and braving gunfire not once, but three fucking times since 2001? Absolutely ridiculous.

If there's a victim in this case, it's definitely the poor security guards who clearly get verbally abused on what seems to be a weekly basis. It honestly sounds like the worst job in the world. "Um, hi it's me down at the security gate. Larceny is here with 75 of his boys, should I let him up?" Is it really that unreasonable to reject them? Here are a few responses from several famous rappers:

Cam'ron: "I am going to cut you up," "I'm going to find out who you are, I'll see you again."
Busta Rhymes: "Shut the fuck up," "I'm going to kick everyone's ass."
DMX: "Fuck you $8.50 an hour faggot. If you step outside I'll kick your fucking ass you bitch."

Don't shoot the messenger! No, seriously Cam put the gun down.

Ridiculous. Possibly the only thing more ridiculous? "Smackfest." Basically, "smackfest" consists of chicks slapping the shit out of each other, initially for bragging rights ("Yo, did you hear me smack her on the radio?!"), but ultimately it turned into a cash prize. As a hater, I'm very conflicted. I like to see hateable people slapping each other, but I hate the fact that the ignorant assholes promoting the shit don't get smacked too. It's a rare hate-conundrum, I guess. (For Youtube videos of smackfest, please click here)

Violence is never funny It's hard not to laugh when some fat dude named "Gravy" gets shot in the ass. What's sad, though, is that rather than seek medical attention, the dude went upstairs to the station and went through with his interview! Said Gravy:

Getting shot ain't no joke, but I got up and still went upstairs and did the show…I had to do the show. That's my life.

A wise man once said "Don't hate the player, hate the game." I'm pretty sure I hate them both.

Tuesday Link-stravaganza* May 2, 2006

Posted by hateroftheyear in Blogs, Celebs, Food, General Hating, Music, New York, Sports.
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LA Clippers win their first playoff series in my lifetime. I am, along with thousands of other fans, eagerly awaiting Sports Guy's 10,000+ word, Gladwell-esque exegesis on the topic.

Life immitates art for the cast of the Sopranos: Artie Bucco gets busted for a Brooklyn slalom, and "Muscles Marinara" for stealing TVs, crappy guido shirts and beating store managers.

Cracked Magazine, which I truthfully didn't realize still existed, has a hilarious piece on Sportcenter's Most Cliched Catchphrases. My vote goes to Craig Kilborn for this gem: I got 99 problems, but that pitch ain't one. (via Deadspin)

Avery Cardoza's Player Magazine gets some Assimilated Negro treatment in The Devil's Publicist. I was always a fan of his "relationship stock market" theory and this quote cracks me up:

Of course everyone wants diversity in their portfolio, but some people do stay focused in one sector. I have a friend who swears by the Big Titties industry. All his money is always tied up in Big Titties.

*aka, I am too hungover and lazy to post an actual post, so here's what I'm reading this morning.

Hate Break: HOTY 4/2006 Playlist… April 22, 2006

Posted by hateroftheyear in Blogs, Music.
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When I first got an iPod in 2001, I began making monthly playlists as a way to force new music into my listening rotation. Along the way, I decided to keep the mixes to about 80 minutes so that I could burn a copy for anyone who enjoyed them. Inspired by a recent visit to sound.as.language (a great read), here is my April 2006 playlist: (more…)

I Hate Chuck Klosterman… April 17, 2006

Posted by hateroftheyear in General Hating, Music.
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…but like the guys over at Turntablelab's Estoy Con Estupido blog, I have to agree that this is review of the new Guns N' Roses record is "comic genius."

(via http://blog.turntablelab.com/2006/04/ha_ha.html)