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How Hateable Are You? April 24, 2006

Posted by hateroftheyear in General Hating.

If you are a frequent visitor to this site, you may find yourself wondering: What about me HOTY, am I hateable? While the answer is almost certainly yes, I've developed a quiz of sorts to help you determine just how hateable you are. Let's call this your H.Q., or Hateability Quotient.

Without further ado, The Official Hater of the Year Hateability Test
Score one point for each statement that applies to you:

  1. You are a self-proclaimed "cat person."
  2. You have, within the last 10 days, just discovered Chuck Norris Facts.
  3. You live in Murray Hill.
  4. You have vomited due to excessive alcohol consumption and immediately had another drink.
  5. You have referred to #4 as the "Boot and Rally."
  6. You consult Pitchforkmedia.com before listening to new music.
  7. Pitchforkmedia.com is your browser's home page.
  8. You have submitted music reviews to Pitchforkmedia.com.
  9. Your reviews were rejected.
  10. Alternatively, you have never heard of Pitchforkmedia.com.
  11. You have a Friendster and/or Myspace profile.
  12. You use "Friendster" as a verb, ie "I friendster'd her after meeting her"
  13. You incorrectly list your age as either "80" or "14" to be funny.
  14. You think #13 is funny.
  15. You have "pimped" your Myspace profile.
  16. Your photo on Myspace is the fat kid wearing a "i fuck on the first date" t-shirt.
  17. You make thinly veiled marijuana references on your profile.
  18. There is a photograph of you exhaling a cloud of smoke.
  19. You have a portable gaming system or DVD player.
  20. You use it on the subway or in public (Subtract 5 if you're that crazy dude on the super-packed train who watches porn at full volume).
  21. You have a handsfree earpiece attached to your cell phone.
  22. You use this earpiece in public, and while walking down the street.
  23. You leave the earpiece in your ear when you're not speaking on the phone (like when you're in a bar or restaurant).
  24. The earpiece is Bluetooth.
  25. You rely primarily on text messaging as your main point of contact.
  26. After meeting a potential date you instigate first contact via text message.
  27. You shorten words like "you" and "are" to U and R, ie "R U going to the party?"
  28. You use any of the following acronyms: LOL, ROTFL, BBL, IMHO, etc.
  29. You pepper your written communication with smileys 😦
  30. You have a Sidekick (the mobile device, but if you have an actual human "sidekick" please subtract 5 from your score).
  31. You hang out in Hoboken (add a point for every person you high-five when you're there).
  32. You can identify Tomkat, Brangelina and Bennifer…
  33. …but not Berlusconi, Moussaoui or Talabani.
  34. You wear shorts just before it gets warm enough to warrant it.
  35. You are a caucasian and you have dread locks.
  36. You are a man and you own a pair of leather sandals.
  37. You own a pair of pleated khakis.
  38. You own a pair of denim shorts.
  39. You are tan at any point from October to April.
  40. You have slept with anyone who exhibits any of the above.
  41. You describe yourself as "an actor."
  42. You frequent "open mic nights."
  43. The "open mic night" you attend is at a coffee shop.
  44. You attend "open mic nights" for pleasure, but do not perform.
  45. You use your laptop at Starbucks (+2 if it's an Apple laptop).
  46. You have a favorite Starbucks drink (ie "decaf caramel mocha soy latte with extra lite-whipped cream").
  47. You forward inspirational emails to people.
  48. You forward emails warning of terror strikes and the perils of microwaving food in plastic containters.
  49. You frequently take tests like this and forward them to your friends.
  50. You have a blog.

Scoring: Please add up your total

0-10: Congratulations, you're quite likeable.

11-20: Generally, you're considered mildly annoying to most people. You've got some shitty tendencies, but certainly not enough to prohibit you from making friends, dating, et cetera.

21-34: You are somewhat hateable. You exhibit traits of a much more hateable person, however your few redeeming qualities allow you to live a somewhat normal life.

35-50: Sadly, you are a douchebag. If you have any friends, they are also douchebags. Your one bit of consolation is that people like Osama bin Laden, Paris Hilton and Kobe Bryant exist to occasionally take some of the hate spotlight away from you.



1. soundaslanguage - April 27, 2006

damn, i only scored a 6. this blog is a trip. keep it up!

2. jonathantu - April 27, 2006

7? 7? This test is faulty. Where are the points for Elvis Costello glasses, drinking PBR, making sure you moisturize, wearing pre-beat up pants, etc.?

I hate you.

3. hateroftheyear - April 27, 2006

I appreciate your hate, and thanks for your visit. I’ll add these to a future iteration (hateration?) of the test. Keep ’em coming if you got more.

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