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I Hate Douchebags (and their douchey families)… April 21, 2006

Posted by hateroftheyear in General Hating, New York.

Perhaps some of you caught the article in the NY Times yesterday called "The Bank of Mom and Dad." The article documents the trend of parents who continue to financially support their children after graduation. This did not come to me as a revelation, obviously, but what was surprising is just how obnoxious and utterly hateable these people are.

Take Jason McGuinness, the 23 year-old Syracuse cheerleader graduate who makes $30,000 and pays $1,100 per month in rent on the Upper East Side. Jason munches on peanut butter sandwiches and catches Mets games with his buddies (how cute is he?). He also gets a monthly stipend of $300 from his family which helps him "maintain a middle-class way of life." Is there anyone else who finds this to be completely ridiculous? If that $300 is so precious and vital to McGuinness' lifestyle, why not find an apartment that only costs $800 a month? Ever heard of Brooklyn? Furthermore, have you ever thought of adjusting your lifestyle to match your income? What happens when he gets that first raise of 10%? His mom has already inflated his income 12%, so the raise isn't going to feel like much – is she going to match it? Idiot Mom quote #1:"Everybody I know is supporting their children in some way." How about giving your son some advice about how to live within his means, instead of fucking up his sense of cost and value.

And don't even get me started on Daisy Press, the 27 year-old singer who lacks "the emotional experience of knowing what I cost and earning what I spend. I can only imagine what it may feel like." I mean… is she serious? How about getting a job? At this exact moment, there are 6 servers at Ellen's Stardust Diner who are handing out crappy club sandwiches and belting out showtunes. Perhaps, though, the problem lies in the values of Daisy's mother – Idiot Mom quote #2: "What if she had to stop and spend her days at Starbucks?"

That's easy. If she spent her days at Starbucks, she'd have a sense of her value and the luxury of knowing exactly what she costs.



1. Matt - April 21, 2006

Dear Mr. hateroftheyear,
Congrats on getting your writing published, finally your sardonic wit is available to the clamoring masses. Let me guess what went through your mind while writing this article (I mean “entry”, article is for people with talent)…
1) Why don’t my parents love me enough?
2) Why can’t I get into the new york times, my breathtaking discourse is clearly ready for the big time.
3) Is it cool to have a blog? Or am I just hiding a deeply entrenched sense of self-dissapointment?
Don’t worry I have the answers for you
1) Nobody likes a whiner, nobody…especially parents.
2) Your writing is a step above doo-doo, and notch below that filmy stuff on the inside of a sink drain. Congratulations on mastering the copy and paste and then throwing in your side commentary, only a master of the language could write such monumental statements “what happens when he gets that first rasie….” (notice lack of copy and paste), let me guess what happened you proof read your initial draft and then decided to toss in a % so it looked somewhat important, you got skills, mad skills.
3) No, and yes.

Why do I care so much you ask?
A) McGuiness is a friend of mine
B) Nobody likes a whiner
Congratulations on not being able to live in Manhattan with your friends, have fun at your next magic card tournament, and next time you decide to publicly complain at least pretend like you didn’t write it at 3am alone with your goldfish.

Welcome to the big leagues, rook.

2. hateroftheyear - April 21, 2006

Sounds like somebody’s on McGuinness’ Mom’s payroll, too.

3. Matt - April 21, 2006

Whatever helps you sleep nights pal.

4. Sam - April 21, 2006

Anyone want to set an over/under on how many times Matt and his Cuse pals have been to Brother Jimmy’s this month?

My surprise at reading the article was not the revelation that parents support Manhattan kids, but that the Times was able to find a guy who 1) takes money from his parents and 2) would admit this to the Times. Fathers tend to be willing to pay for their daughters not to live in marginable neighborhoods. This makes some sense to me. But Cuse grad needs to suck it up. As awesome as living within a 3-block radius of Brother Jimmy’s is, you’re 23, you’re a dude, it’s time to get yoked while living in a marginable neighborhood like every other male that moves to the city.

5. Robert - April 21, 2006

Wow, how much of a douchebag is Matt. He read a measly blog post about his chotchy meathead frat brother, and had to spring into action to his defense! Typical douchy meathead chotch.

Things to note:
1) I make about what McGuinness makes
2) I live in Manhattan
3) My Mom loves me to peices, has ready access to a good deal of money, but doesn’t cut me checks.
4) I even hang out uptown sometimes and have lots of friends who live there. I promise, its not that hot of a neighborhood. You can find a place for several hundred less
5) I think I recognized Jason from Mad River. Jager shots on me next time.
6) Matt is such a douche.
7) Go Orangemen!

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